Self-esteem is the sum of attitudes which depend on perceptions, thoughts, evalutations, feelings and behavioral tendencies aimed toward ourselves, the way we are and behave, and our body’s and character’s features. In short, it’s oneself’s evaluative perception.[1]
The importance of self-esteem lies in the fact that it concerns to ourselves, the way we are and the sense of our personal value. Thus, it affects the way we are and act in the world and the way we are related to everybody else. Nothing in the way we think, feel, decide and act escapes the influence of self-esteem.[1]
Abraham Maslow, in his hierarchy of human needs, describes the need for esteem, which is divided into two aspects, the esteem for oneself (self-love, self-confidence, skill, aptitude, etc.), and respect and esteem one receives from other people (recognition, success, etc.) The healthiest expression of self-esteem, according to Maslow, “is the one which manifests in respect we deserve for others, more than renown, fame and flattery”.[2]
Carl Rogers, the greatest exponent of humanistic psychology, exposed that the origin of problems for many people is that they despise themselves and they consider themselves to be unvaluable and unworthy of being loved; thus the importance he gave to unconditional acceptance of client.[1] Indeed, the concept of self-esteem is approached since then in humanistic psychology as an inalienable right for every person, summarized in the following sentence:
“ | Every human being, with no exception, for the mere fact to be it, is worthy of unconditional respect of everybody else; he deserves to esteem himself and to be esteemed.[1] | ” |
By virtue of this reason, even the most evil human beings deserve a human and considered treatment. This attitude, nonetheless, does not pretend to come into conflict with mechanisms that society has at its disposition to prevent individuals from causing hurt —of any type— to others.[1]
The concept of self-esteem has frequently gone beyond the exclusively scientific sphere to take part in popular language.
The basics of self-esteem
The capacity to develop healthy confidence and respect for oneself [and for others] is inherent to human nature, since the mere fact of being able to think is the base of its suitability, and the mere fact of being alive is the base of the right to make an effort to achieve happiness. Thus, the natural state of human being should correspond to a high self-esteem. Nonetheless, the fact is that there is a lot of people who, whether they acknowledge it or not, whether they admit it or not, have a level of self-esteem below the theoretically natural.[3]
That is due to the fact that, during development, and through life itself, people tend to move away from positive self-conceptualization [and conceptualization], or even not to approach to it. The reasons why this happens are diverse, and they can be found in negative influence from other people, self-punishment for breaking one’s values [or one’s social group’s values], or shortage of understanding or compassion for one’s actions[3] [or others’ actions].
“ | John Powell, a known psychology popularizer, confesses in one of his books that, when somebody sincerely praises him, instead of toning down his own merits, as used, he replies: “go ahead, please, go ahead”. It is a reply that is unusual and makes an audience laugh when told in public. It is also a reply that makes you think.[1] | ” |
Levels of self-esteem
Self-esteem is a graduated concept. Taking this into consideration, people may essentially have three main degrees of self-esteem:
- To have a high self-esteem is to feel confidently capable for life, or, in Brandon’s words, to feel able and worth, or to feel right as a person.[3]
- To have a low self-esteem corresponds to not feeling ready for life, or to feeling wrong as a person.[3]
- To have a middle ground self-esteem is to waver between the two states above, that is, to feel able and useless, right and wrong as a person, and to show these incongruities in behavior, acting, at times, wisely, and at rashly others, thus reinforcing insecurity.[3]
In practice, and according to Nathaniel Branden’s experience, everybody is able to develop positive self-esteem, and nobody has a totally undeveloped self-esteem. The more flexible is a person, the better he can resist everything that would otherwise make him fall into failure or desperation.[3]
The importance of positive self-esteem
Abraham Maslow states that no psychological health is possible unless the essential core of the person is fundamentally accepted, loved and respected by others and by his self. Self-esteem allows people to face life with more confidence, benevolence and optimism, and thus easily reach their goals and self-actualize.[3] It allows oneself to be more ambitious, but not with respect to possessions or success, but with respect to what one can experience emotionally, creatively and spiritually. To develop self-esteem is to widen the capacity to be happy; self-esteem allows people to be convinced they deserve happiness.[3] Understanding this is fundamental, and universally beneficial, since the development of positive self-esteem increases the capacity to treat other people with respect, benevolence and goodwill, thus favoring rich interpersonal relationships and avoiding destructive ones.[3] For Erich Fromm, love of others and love of ourselves are not alternatives. On the contrary, an attitude of love toward themselves will be found in all those who are capable of loving others.
Self-esteem allows creativity at the workplace, and is a specially critical condition for teaching professions.[4]
José-Vicente Bonet reminds that the importance of self-esteem is obvious when one realizes that the opposite of it is not the esteem of others, but self-reject, a characteristic of that state of great unhappiness that we call “depression”.[1]
False stereotypes
Self-esteem has nothing to do with culture, class, properties or even success. In rich civilized countries, and specifically in capitalist societies, it is usual to feel “incomplete”, or worse than others. The system itself forces people to feel that way.
Comfort is not self-esteem
For a person with low self-esteem —or “wrong”, according to Branden’s terminology—, any positive stimulus or incentive will make him feel comfortable, or, at most, better with respect to himself/herself for just some time. Therefore, properties, sex, success, or physical appearance, by themselves, will produce comfort, or a false and ephemeral development of self-esteem, but they won’t really strengthen confidence and respect to oneself.[3]
Self-esteem is not competitive nor comparative
Paradoxically, most people search for self-confidence and self-respect outside themselves, and that is the reason why they are doomed to failure. According to Branden, “self-esteem can be better understood as a sort of spiritual achievement, that is, a victory in pysche’s evolution”. That way, self-esteem gives people spiritual calmness, which in turn allows them to enjoy life. Branden states that one of the most significant characteristics of healthy esteem is that it is the state of one who is not at war either with himself or with others.[3]
True self-esteem is not expressed through self-glorification at the expense of others, or through eagerness to be superior to other people or to degrade them to elevate oneself. Arrogance, boastfulness and overvaluation of one’s own capacities reveal a wrong self-esteem, not an excess of self-esteem.[3][1]
Self-esteem is not narcissism
A common mistake is to think that loving oneself is equivalent to narcissism. However, narcisism is a symptom of low self-esteem, that is, lack of love to oneself. A person with a healthy self-esteem accepts and loves himself/herself unconditionally. He knows his virtues, but also his faults. In spite of everything, he is able to acknowledge and accept both all virtues and faults and live loving himself. On the contrary, a narcissistic person is not able to acknowledge and accept his faults, which he always tries to hide. At the same time, the narcissistic emphasizes his virtues in the presence of others, just to try to convince himself that he is a valuable person and try to stop feeling guilty for his faults.[1]
A brief historical description
- Self-esteem, as a psyche‘s experience, has gone with human being since its beginning.[1]
- The construct of self-esteem (or self-concept) dates back to William James, in the late 19th century, who, in his work Principles of Psychology, studied the splitting of our “global self” into “knower self” and “known self”. According to James, from this splitting, which we all are more or less aware of, self-esteem is born.[1]
- In the 20th century, the initial influence of Behaviorism minimized introspective study of mental processes, emotions and feelings, which was replaced by objective study through experiments on behaviors observed in relation with environment. Behaviorism placed the human being as an animal subject to reinforcements, and suggested to place psychology as an experimental science, similar to chemistry or biology. As a consequence, clinical trials on self-esteem were overlooked, since it was considered a less liable to rigorous measurement hypothesis.[1]
- In the mid 20th century, Phenomenology and humanistic psychotherapy made self-esteem gain prominence again, and it took a central role in personal self-actualization and psychic disorders’ treatment. Personal satisfaction and psychotherapy started to be considered, and new elements were introduced, which helped to understand the reasons why people tend to feel less worthy, discouraged and unbable to understand challenges by themselves.[1]
- Carl Rogers, the greatest exponent of humanistic psychology, exposed his theory about unconditional acceptance and self-acceptance as the best way to improve self-esteem.[1]
- Robert B. Burns considers that self-esteem is a collection of the individual’s attitudes toward himself. The human being senses himself at a sensorial level; thinks about himself and about his behaviors, and evaluates them and himself. Consequently, he feels emotions related to himself. That starts in him behavioral tendencies aimed to himself, to his way to be and behave, and to his body’s and character’s features, and, in turn, that forms the attitudes which, globally, we call self-esteem. Thus, self-esteem, for Burns, is the evaluative perception of oneself. In his own words: “individual’s behavior is the result of his environment’s particular interpretation, whose focus is himself”.[1]