Posts tagged Margaret Paul
The Five Best Gifts to Give Your Family by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
When we think of giving gifts, we usually think of things to buy for people. Yet if you think back on gifts you’ve been given, it might not be the material gifts you received that are foremost in your mind – it might be the kind of gifts that deeply touched your heart and soul. It might be various ways, other than material things, that people expressed their love to you.
There are five gifts of love that we can give to our families that can make a huge difference in their lives.
THE GIFT OF CARING AND COMPASSION
We all yearn to More >
Real Love: What is Real Love? by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Defining love is like defining a particular color to a person who has never been able to see color – you have to feel it know what it is. The reason it is hard to define real love is because you cannot experience it with your mind, and definitions are of the mind. Real love is a feeling that is the result of your intention to BE LOVING.
This very different than the intention to BE LOVED. More >
What You Judge Won’t Budge by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Sheila was stuck. Even though she was trying to hard to change some things in her behavior – especially her anger and her clutter, she found herself doing these things over and over. Then she would get upset with herself, telling herself she was stupid and incompetent.
How often do you tell yourself that you are wrong, bad, inadequate, unworthy, a jerk, stupid, and so on? I’ve found, in the many years I’ve been counseling, that most people are frequently inwardly judgmental. Many of us believe that if we judge ourselves, we can get ourselves More >
The Temptation of the Critical Voice by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Each of us has an inner critic. There is no way to grow up in our society without having developed this inner critical voice – which comes from parents, teachers, peers, the media, and from our own conclusions.
The problem is that this inner critic sounds like a voice of authority when in reality it doesn’t know what it is talking about. It is a voice based on beliefs that have been handed down through generations but that have no basis in fact.
How often has this voice said to you:
“You can’t do it. You are inadequate.” “You are More >
Is It Important to you to be Healthy? by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
How important is your physical health to you?
Of course, most people will say that they really want to be healthy, but what are you willing to DO to be healthy? And what are you willing to NOT DO to be healthy? In other words, what is more important to you than being healthy?
Is more important to:
• Eat fast food, or packaged, frozen and processed food, than take the time to cook healthy meals with fresh, organic healthy ingredients?
• Spend money on clothes and toys and other “stuff” than on fresh, organic, healthy food?
• Go More >
My counseling clients often complain to me about interactions they had with a partner, friend, parents or co-worker. When I asked the question, “Why didn’t you speak up for yourself?” here are the most common answers I receive:
“I want to keep the peace.”
“I don’t want to rock the boat.”
“I didn’t know what to say.”
“It won’t change anything.”
“He/she won’t listen.”
“We will just end up fighting.”
“He/she will make it my fault.”
Charlie is in his early 70′s, and has been married to More >
Do You Experience God? by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Connor, a man in his late 40’s, has achieved everything he ever thought he needed to feel happy and secure. He owns a successful business, has a wonderful wife and two children, and a beautiful home. Yet when you look at him, he doesn’t look happy. He looks empty, with no sense of vibrancy about him.
His wife, Brianna. also has everything she ever wanted – a husband, children, financial security, successful work and a beautiful home. When you look at her, you see a person filled with aliveness and vitality, friendliness and joy.
What is the More >
by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Do you love it when you feel deeply emotionally connected with someone? When you feel seen, understood, valued and cherished? This is what initially draws two people together and leads to falling in love.
Then what happens? Why does the connection go away?
When most people first meet, they allow each other to see only certain parts of themselves, but they often hide the deeper parts of themselves.
Because they fear being rejected for who they really are.
They fear being rejected for who they really are because they think there is something wrong with them. More >
Self Esteem: You Are Not Who You Think You Are by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
“I’m insufficient,” he said. “I’m inadequate.”
I looked at this kind man and felt deep sadness for him. He did not know who he was.
“Why do you believe that?” I asked.
“I didn’t do well in school, and I’ve made lots of mistakes in my life.”
“So you are basing your worth on your performance, right?”
David could not conceive More >
by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Research indicates that children would rather be yelled at than ignored.
When prisoners are being punished, they are put in isolation, because being isolated is one of the harshest punishments there is – other than physical abuse.
The silent treatment is a form of punishment, a way to attempt to control children and partners into doing what you want them to do. It is a withdrawal of approval, and can cause much fear in people who are vulnerable to this.
You are giving people the silent treatment when you shut down to them, closing your heart and refusing to interact More >