by: Cucan Pemo
There is a fine line between persuading someone and trying to manipulate the way that they think. And when you’re in a loving relationship, you should be focusing on the positive aspects of persuasion and discussion, rather than ways to trick someone into agreeing with you.
Honesty is truly the best policy
It can’t be stressed enough that being honest about what you want is that best way to start influencing your relationship because it creates a no-games way of looking at problems and conflicts. Instead of your partner wondering what you mean, they will know exactly what you need.
Know what you want
And do you already know what you want? Many times, manipulation is easier for those that don’t really know what they want to achieve from a discussion. In order to avoid this, you will want to make sure that you have a clear idea of what you want share with your partner and what you want to achieve as a result.
Acknowledge what they want
But it’s not just about you either. You need to be sure that you know what your partner wants in the situation as well. Ask them to be clear about the way that they want your relationship to be, and then be sure to acknowledge that in your persuasion. A partnership includes two people.
Realize that you can’t change minds
You won’t always be able to change their mind, nor should that be a goal of yours. What you do want to do is persuade them to look at a situation or problem in the way that you are. They might have other ideas that they want to share with you; other perspectives that you might not understand. And from their own way of thinking, they might never change their way of looking at things.
Once again, when you refuse to build a relationship on lies, you can move from conflict into resolution much more efficiently. When you find yourself in a lie, you will want to explain yourself immediately and then correct the wrong statement.
Information is best
When you want to correct a problem or smooth a situation in a relationship, you will want to get the facts straight so that you can present your case accurately. Instead of using facts that would help your persuasion, you will want to use the real facts. For example, instead of saying the other person never wants to do anything, show examples of how this happens.
Let them talk too
But again, this isn’t all about you. You need to hear what your partner thinks and feels as well to start moving toward some sort of compromise. Ask them what they think about what you have said and whether there’s anything else that they might want to add. Try to engage them in dialogue so it’s not a one-sided conversation.
Admit when you’re wrong
And you will be wrong in your thinking or ideas, so be sure to admit that. Partners like it when you admit to being fallible. We all make mistakes and we’re much more likely to listen to those that admit to doing so.
Honesty once more
When you have ulterior motivations for your discussions with a partner, you are creating a situation in which only one of you is benefiting from a promise or a solution. Instead of what kind of situation, why not be honest about what you’re really trying to achieve?
Choose common ground
If you choose a location for your discussion that you are comfortable in, but your partner is not, you will automatically put them on the defensive. Instead, choose a place that is neutral and gives no one the advantage. Or if you’re the one that wants to have the discussion, have your partner choose where you will talk.
Pick the right time
Being rushed or tired is not a good way to feel during an important discussion. You want to choose a time that works out best for the both of you. This might mean that you both have to clear your schedules or make time available – but it creates the best possible conditions.
Just in case you didn’t already realize it, being honest is the only way to avoid manipulation. Even the tiniest infraction will lead to further distrust of each other.
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