1. Talking about intimacy keeps you in your head. You need to feel, not think.
- Thinking keeps you one step away from the action; feeling puts you right in it.
- Talking about your relationship all the time is not the same as being present in the relationship.
- Resolving conflict in a quick and timely manner is very different than always complaining, being analytical, and dissecting.
2. Do you constantly fight, separate, and come together again, continually repeating the process?
- This is the “dance of intimacy”, an abusive relationship that has no end.
- If you are afraid of real intimacy, you will move away when your partner moves close to you, and you will move close again only when your partner has retreated.
- After awhile, being in these relationships, we instinctually know when the other shoe is going to “drop”, when our partner will retreat.
- You will never feel secure or safe doing the “dance of intimacy.”
3. In all relationships, you attract your reciprocal.
- You need to take responsibility for this dysfunctional relationship.
- It is not just the other person doing this to you. It is YOU willingly participating in this “dance”.
- Always remember, you have legs for walking towards, and legs for walking away. You always have a choice of where you want to be.
4.You can never get what you want – You can only give what you want.
- You can never get what you are not. In other words, if you want intimacy, you must have the ability to be intimate.
- When you don’t retreat, when you stop running, only then will you pull a partner who can be there for you.
5. If you wait for the other person to do it first, it never happens.
- Stop complaining about your partner – look at yourself.
- If you tell yourself you are holding back until you see what you get from the other person, you are deceiving yourself. How we behave is always about us and no one else.
- If you want intimacy – Be Open, be loving; be willing to face things you are scared of. Real intimacy takes real bravery.