What To Do When You Feel Stuck In A Life You Don’t Love
by: Melissa Quiter
When you read the title of this article, did you immediately think, “That is me?” Does your life feel like you have two legs submerged in a pit of quicksand and the more you push and pull and attempt to “get out,” the more submerged you get and the more tired you feel?
You are not alone. In fact, the next thing I tell you may sound less than inspiring. But read on, as you will soon find, the most challenging truths are actually the greatest opportunities for amazing joy.
The truth is that humans are destined to feel stuck at various points in their lives. There is no way to avoid it and no way to ignore it. Feeling stuck is an absolute given condition of human beings.
So, you may be asking, “Why is being stuck a given?” It is because humans are always growing, always changing and always evolving. There is never a moment when your body, mind or spirit stops recreating itself. Humans are always desiring (wanting something) — even if it is simply a breath of air. When you achieve a goal you have strived toward for years, that goal ceases to be a goal the minute it is attained. And just like you don’t get rid of bad thoughts or bad habits — you replace them with better thoughts or better behaviors — what you desire is constantly being replaced by what you desire next. This doesn’t mean you are not momentarily happy with where you are. However, your mind seeks expansion. There is only so long that humans can stay satisfied with where they are before new desires pop into their heads. Desiring is what continually evolves the universe and the human spirit.
Another thing to be aware of is that you have multiple areas of your life that are happening simultaneously. I call these the Nine Environments of Holistic Living. In each of these environments you have different goals and different intentions. You may be focused heavily on one or two areas, and after achieving amazing things in those areas, “suddenly” become aware of another area that is lacking in some way. You are now focusing on that neglected area. Regardless of how satisfied you are in the other areas, the neglected area, you are now focused on, feels stagnate and stuck. For example, a person who achieves a long-worked-for goal in her career may then shift her focus to relationships and feel stuck in a bad relationship or stuck in not having a relationship. It doesn’t take away from her career achievements, but the feeling is still there because the focus has shifted.
The feeling of being stuck is simply you telling yourself that there is more that you desire in a given area or areas. The frustration of being stuck, and what may create negative emotions around it, is often caused when you aren’t sure how to make the changes you want to get unstuck. Thus, being stuck may create a panic inside of you that the situation will never change. The degree to which you feel the stuck-ness and how quickly you respond to this feeling often determines how being stuck affects you.
First, I think it useful to define what being stuck really means. Being stuck may not mean what you think it means, which can be what makes being stuck feel so hopeless and frustrating. Being stuck is not a destination. It is not a life sentence. It is also does not define who you are, just where you are at any given moment. Being stuck is simply a notification — a sign if you will — that it is time to start making something new and different happen in your life. When you are feeling stuck, it is simply another part of you tapping you on the proverbial shoulder saying, “Hey, I am no longer satisfied with where I am or what I have in a particular area and I need something else.”
Just like if you have ever driven a car and you stop at a red light. When the light turns green, that is your sign to get moving. Being stuck is a simply a green light — a sign saying, it is time to get moving. The key is knowing how to get moving. This is where being stuck can feel like a horrible condition, a limiting circumstance and a trap. If you don’t know that pushing on the gas pedal will get you moving in your car, you can’t move. If your car is in the wrong gear, you can’t move. And if you resist that the light is green, you cannot move. If you resist that you feel stuck (which means you don’t welcome the emotion, but instead get caught up in the feelings of being trapped and hampered), you actually put your focus on the being stuck, instead of your focus on the sign to get moving. If you embrace that the sign is there, you then have the freedom to explore the options for how to get moving. When you have the freedom to explore, you can usually create change pretty quickly.
This may sound a bit confusing, so let me be as clear as possible given this is a critical piece for allowing yourself to get unstuck. By acknowledging that you are in a place you don’t want to be, but not delving into the emotions of being there, you free up your energy to focus on where you do want to be. You free up your energy to focus on what you do want, not what you don’t want. This is the foundation of the Law of Attraction, which says that which you focus your energy on is what you attract to you — wanted or unwanted. Learning to use being stuck as a positive sign that you are desiring more, opens you up to asking how to get it, instead of delving into the emotions of being where you don’t want to be, and fearing you are always going to be there.
No matter what question you ask yourself, you will get an answer. If you ask yourself — Why am I stuck here? What did I do to deserve this? Why does this always happen to me? Am I going to be here forever? — you will get an answer. And, most likely, you will get an answer that won’t assist you in pushing on your gas pedal or figuring out you are in the wrong gear. If you ask empowering questions, like — What do I want that I don’t have? How can I get it? What have I been doing and what can I do differently? — you begin focusing on answers that will propel you forward.
Getting unstuck can be an easy and smooth process. The key is using the proper tools to assist you. Using tools — questions, exercises, programs, processes, other people, etc. — is the number one way for re-directing your focus. Tools are how humans create in the universe. Learning and using the tools of notes and instruments are what allow you to make music. Learning and using hammers, nails and engineering are what allow you to construct buildings. Learning and using the alphabet, grammar and paper or computers are what allow you to write novels and poetry. Getting unstuck, changing your life, manifesting your desires is done by learning and using the natural tools of creating — the Law of Attraction, the Nine Environments of Holistic Living, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, the Process of Deliberate Creation, the Prosperity Process, the Power of Intention, the Universal Laws, Law of Attraction Coaches, Messages from Abraham or Seth, etc.
No one has to stay stuck. No one has to live a life they don’t love. It is simply recognizing the sign that it is time to make a change. Then, assessing what tools will assist in making that change, and beginning the process. Embrace the feeling of being stuck so you can get moving, seek out the tools you need and start today.