Your “I Can” is More Important Than Your IQ
by: Roseanna Leaton
You can learn to control your emotional state, to control your reactions to what happens around you, to let go of worries and fears, to feel relaxed and comfortable and confident and so on. You can score as high as you like on an IQ test, but this is not a major factor in determining life success. Without emotional intelligence you won’t be able to apply your knowledge appropriately.
It is important to be aware of how your brain works in order to understand how you can take control and change. Research has shown that the human brain has two different memory stores, one for pure information and one for anything which is emotionally charged. We learn what is emotionally charged through our early experiences in life, when we are too young to rationalize what is happening around us – we have our own unique map of what is or isn’t emotionally charged, and these patterns become generalized over context.
What happens when the brain recognizes a similarity – any similarity – with a situation which created a strong emotional charge in the past, is that the brain goes on high alert, and the rational thinking part of the brain is bypassed and only the lower brain functions operate. This is why, when we are angry or anxious, we literally cannot think straight. Anger and anxiety really do make us stupid.
What exactly is emotional intelligence? Emotional Intelligence is actually a meta-ability.
1. The core issue is self awareness – you must have the ability to recognize and monitor your emotions at the time that they are happening. Awareness precedes choice, which precedes change.
2. from this core ability, you can choose to manage your emotions better, so that feelings are felt appropriately and not out of proportion to their triggers. Emotional self-control involves thinking before impulsiveness takes over, and delaying gratification as well.
3. Not only do you need to control your emotions you need to have the ability to generate emotions and motivate yourself towards your goals. As you learn to access a state of flow anything becomes possible.
4. So far the emotional intelligence abilities I have mentioned only relate to you as an individual. But we live in an environment surrounded by others and we need skills to deal with these interactions. Empathy and compassion are core components of emotional intelligence.
5. And relationship skills are required so as to be able to assist others in handling their emotions.
You are how you are because of the experiences you have had, but this does not mean that you cannot change. Everyone is born with a basic temperament and there are at least four temperamental types – timid, bold, upbeat and melancholy – and each is due to a different pattern of brain activity. But even your genetic temperament can be tempered by experience. Peace and satisfaction, like anger and fear, can be learned. The temperament which you are born with does not pre-determine your destiny in life.
If you find it difficult to sooth your emotional state, do not despair; this is a skill which can be learned, and hypnosis downloads can be used to make this task straight-forward. Emotional skills can be learned just like any other type of skill in life, and there are easy ways and more difficult ways to learn them as well. It is worth remembering that emotional skills are what underpin everything in life and are what allow you to control whether you are happy or sad, successful or not. Your “I can” really is far more important than your IQ.