By Chandra Alexander
Do you know how to fight fair? If constant fighting is ruining your relationship, learn how to disagree in a healthy way without diminishing your partner or destroying the relationship. Is destructive fighting a problem in your relationship?
1. Knowing another person is an honor. Never exploit someone’s vulnerability.
- There is nothing worse than going for your partner’s vulnerability when you are angry. This is ugly and will make you feel bad about yourself.
- Intimacy means sharing and sharing means secrets. When you share your innermost secrets and that trust is betrayed, nothing feels worse.
2. It is always okay to say how YOU feel. This is different than confrontation and battle.
- Saying how YOU feel is an honorable way to fight.
- When you attack the other person, you are destroying a relationship.
- Saying how you feel is very liberating. If your partner does not hear you, that is also an important message to you.
3. Never go for the jugular. Wounds are hard to heal.
- Some things are simply “no fly zones”, you just don’t go there. This is out of deep respect for the sacredness of human feelings.
- When you are trusted with another’s soft spots and wounds, to purposely use those trusted secrets as a weapon is really bad.
4. It is okay to see things differently. This is healthy and can be interesting.
- OK. I’m sure there some important things you need to see alike, but how different can someone be from you?
- Do you NEED someone to see it the same way you do? Is it okay to not like the same things? Even if you don’t agree, can you listen to the other person anyway?
5. You need to care more about feeling right than being right.
- Constant interrupting is the ego wanting to be right.
- Feeling right “feels” so good.