Since I awoke from my three month coma in August of 2004, I have been asked many times about what I remembered and experienced. After looking over my notes and speaking with my wife and some of the medical professionals involved, I decided that it might be a good idea to write a short overview of these experiences. They were both wonderful and frightening, but the lessons I learned and the “gift” I was given are worth more than anything I could ever experience again.
When I awoke, I was told about my wreck and my coma. That wasn’t all that exciting. But, what really kicked me in gear was when my wife and the surgeons carefully informed me about my deaths and myriad other events. It was all amazingly like a dream! I couldn’t believe it! How could I have died if I feel more alive now than ever before? I remembered everything that happened during the noted coma. But, I never knew I was in a coma because I actually “lived my life” through what I now know were “trips” outside of my comatose state.
The medical professionals were amazed because I not only described activities that occurred to me physically, but I described the nurses and the rooms I was in during my comatose state. I then carried on about where I went, what I did, and what I saw. Mystified and concerned, my wife and the medical staff stepped outside to discuss my mental and physical state. My wife then re-entered and told me that I was never supposed to walk again. I was never to function mentally as I had. I was not to live but five more years on feeding tubes and a respirator in a nursing home. Ouch! I was a power lifter and a mathematician, writer, and software engineer! It just knocked me for a loop! But, this was not acceptable.
Now, I have to take a tangent to discuss what happened in my “death-zone”, comatose excursions. It was an amazing adventure! I visited homes, people, and places of business that had come into existence during my coma and afterward. For example, I described one house to my wife and how to get to the property. I drew the map and the house’s layout. We took a day and drove there to find that the exact house I “visited” was being built were I saw it in my death-zone travels. Another example was a “visit” with my brother, who is alive and well, as we ate at a restaurant, made of coral, by a body of water. Amazingly, in the physical realm, he came to visit and I took a picture of him when we went out to dinner. Upon review of the photo, I noticed that we were next to a lake with a coral statue standing behind him, outside of the restaurant. I’ve always had a bit of psi ability and have been practicing and studying it for years, but this was beyond me! These events, in addition to many others, caused me to consider that my travels were more than just mental twists and dreams.
However, back to the bad news, I had to deal with all of this without the realizations that slowly came back to me from my trips. I was blank and empty and going to die. What did I have to lose? I demanded the removal of the tubes and other paraphernalia as I didn’t want to drag this on for too long for my wife. Let’s just do it. I then, went to sleep.
Three days later I woke up in a rehab center. My blood pressure was normal and, having had my tubes removed, I was starving and had to go to the bathroom. It wasn’t an easy task to “walk” to the bathroom, but I did. I then decided to take a further trip to the cafeteria. Of course, I didn’t make it, but I was so close I could smell the hospital food. One of the assistants at the center caught me, put me in a wheelchair, and rolled me back to the room. Stubbornly, I crawled into bed myself. But, I did it!
After my single attempt to make it on my own, everything else came into place like a puzzle. One piece fit nicely into another. How I made it, no one knows. I was released from the rehab center in three weeks and, two months later, I am doing everything I did before the accident — only better. I’m walking, driving, and traveling with my wife! I’m doing my writing, math, and software engineering again! I am better in the sense that I am a better person than I ever was before. Better in the sense that I have a greater patience and an understanding that I never had before. Smarter in the sense that my mind is more open and I no longer have the fears and baggage that I had before the accident. Richer in the sense that I have my life back.
But, how did I get here? I should be dead — or so I’m told often as my doctors sign off on me. I know now that I was given “a gift”. The gift is different for everyone. Some don’t understand it and become bitter while others see it and want more of it. Smashing my head into the ground and being stuck on a 750 pound motorcycle during three flips is the hard way to receive a gift. But, it is more of an education and an “essence” than anything physical. It is me. It is you. It just … is!
The gift is very simple and small, but very powerful. It is simply — seeing and feeling. I lost that somewhere along the way. It is knowing what is there and seeing what is here. Feeling everything. Riding in the dream instead of chasing it. The memories, emotions, and feelings that taunted my life and vision are gone. I feel and see like never before. My wife calls my new gift an innocence. I call it a knowledge of all and the wonder of a child.
But, what does all of this mean? During my numerous trips in my dead-zones, I was greeted by many people who would speak to me and then tell me to gather my things. They were angry with me as I was told I was “in the wrong place”. My things were these odd bubbles floating over my head that contained visual memories that were part of my life. I simply took out of the clouds those memories I wanted to keep. When I awoke, I was to have suffered horrendous memory loss. However, I’ve been tested and evaluated to find that I’ve not lost any mental function or memory. As a matter of fact, I recall things now that were amusing and wonderful parts of my life that I had long forgotten! I have so many new stories about my life that my wife enjoys at every dinner!
However, these people I mentioned would speak to me in my travels. I only remember extreme words and feelings as a flash, but I “feel” the results of these discussions. Issues that have been hidden, yet affective, in my life were discussed and resolved. It was as if I had to re-experience the events of my life, things I had forgotten, and resolve them — Now! Amazingly, I recalled all of those forgotten, painful memories when I awoke. But, the pain was gone! They were just placeholder memories of times gone by. They became educational pictures on the walls of my mind as opposed to blocks in the way and baggage to carry in my life.
But, one of the many questions of my life, that was answered, was about death. Is the afterlife as final and drastic as religion teaches? Is there a heaven and a hell? Will I really see my relatives, my dad, when I die? Call it the ultimate research project, but the results were amazing. From my experiences in my coma and death-zones, I found that death is but a quick change in a dressing room. I merely changed “clothes” to continue down the path I was heading before! It was just life as it was and always will be. It is the life I led and experienced. It is a continuation of everything I was into and everything I wanted to be. Looking for a better life after death is for naught if the life we make in this physical realm is unbearable. If it is hell on Earth, then it will be hell “off Earth” as well. If the physical realm is heaven, then it will be heaven. It is the actions we take and the decisions we make “here” that determine what happens “there”.
I learned from my discussions and travels that the body is merely a host and the important elements of our lives reside inside it, and around it. Although it was badly damaged, my body wasn’t lacking the ability to walk, eat, and perform the necessities of a physical life. It was my soul, my higher self, that had been in a coma for years and hadn’t come around as of yet. As it began to wake, it provided the energy and effort to make the body move and heal in its necessary ways. Now, it’s all good and functioning as it should!
Speaking of my soul being in a coma, it is interesting to think that, through the years, we all become so keen at neglecting our higher self and our souls that the physical becomes the core. Feeling and seeing have become secondary to the physical temptations. The physical is only a temporary stage in our existence. It is the spiritual and higher aspects of ourselves that we must attend so that we can ensure that we have the fulfilling life we want now and later. The physical is never fulfilled as once the half-filled glass if full, it wants a bigger glass. The physical only knows the need for survival. It is the “souler” that adds the intelligence and creativity to living. The souler can be fulfilled in the simplest things and is bent on living to the best that it can be in all ways.
Although it is a gift that they gave me — to come back and be — I must add that you should not try my trick at home. Crashing on a mountain, falling into a coma, and then dying is not a way to spend the summer. Although Las Vegas has a hot summer, I could have simply gone to the lake for the time I spent asleep. But, all that I learned and feel now can easily be integrated into any life simply by stepping back and evaluating what is truly important. Let the souler come out and rule the physical! What truly means something to you? Who truly means something to you? Where do you want to go?
In the end, it wasn’t a miracle. It was the harshest, yet most rewarding, experience of my life. It is a chance to create my heaven for my next visit. It is a chance to appreciate so much more. It is a chance to give so much more. It is a chance to be so much more. It just … is!
Edward B. Toupin, Ph.D. is an author, publisher, life-strategy coach, counselor, Reiki Master, and technical writer living in Las Vegas, NV. His research focus is on cognitive transformations, epistemology, and metaphysical topics. His experiences have spawned a new series of articles and a book project entitled “Dynamics of Life” that peers into the hidden recesses of our physical and spiritual interactions.
For more information, and to find out about his upcoming books, e-mail email@example.com or visit http://www.make-life-great.com or [http://www.life-vision-imagineering.com]!
Copyright (c) 2004 Edward B. Toupin, Ph.D.
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