So here we are caught up in the midst of an upheaval in our lives. Our marriage is dissolving. Our house is no longer our home. The light of our relationship that once was a beacon in our lives leading us into the safe shores of contentment, has burnt out. And we are left alone, arms crossed over our chest clutching our arms as we shiver in the frosty night looking at the emptiness of what was left behind, our lives.
I remember coming home one evening. It was just days after “she” left. It was September and the
nights are coming much sooner. The days that offered its sun and warmth that gave bit of a respite to the shadows of sorrows, grows shorter. It was dark, damp and cold inside my house as I entered. It feels eerily strange like entering a mausoleum. The life the once inhabited here has left the building.
A mid life crisis often leaves a trail of destruction and desertion that leaves both parties with a sense of loss. We are left holding an empty bag asking the unexplained question and wondering “why… why me?” The shock of such an upheaval whether it was sudden or gradual is life telling us to wake up and hear the music we often times don’t want to hear or to face the reality we don’t want to face. This mid life upheaval shows itself in a form of a divorce, a job loss, loss of a love one, a physical emergency, an emotional trauma, a spiritual challenge, a health or financial crisis, a life change drastically different than the one we once sought comfort in. We wonder if we will survive or die. Will our old self remain intact or will we be forever jaded never being able to trust another, trust life or worst trust ourselves. This period of change and self reflection will either be a time when we find ourselves, our lives or be forever lost in it.
What mid life is, is a wake up call forcing us to pay attention to our lives. At the very moment when things are starting to change, life is offering itself to us in a way that we must need to re-evaluate our lives and reflect. The first thing that we must do is to understand that the upheaval that is bringing us such heavy emotional pain is a time of transformation, rebirth, an awakening. When we label our situation as something that robs us of the ability to see it as a new beginning, it becomes that which we will call it most… a crisis, a mess, chaos, madness, a big problem, life just sucking! We get out of life exactly what we determine it to be. If we see it as a crisis, it becomes one. If we look at it as a time to re-evaluate and redo, life can be a tremendous opportunity to reawaken into a new beginning, to hit the magical reset button and do over. When we determine that mid life is not a crisis after all, it becomes a time of renewal and rebirth, it becomes what it really is… a time of personal growth and transformation. It is a hidden journey on a wondrous path to unimaginable promises.
It is when we finally accept it and decide once and for all that we are at a point in our lives that new doors of opportunities are opening up for us we can start walking through new thresholds. We leave the past were they belong… in the past. We remember them not for the hurts but we cherish them for the wisdom they left impacted in our lives.
We also start seeing that life has been giving us hints along the way that change and transformation was coming: you’ve been unhappy with your job because your boss is demanding more and more, your spouse nags you for the smallest of things and all you do is argue, you start to get chest pains and dizzy spells, your credit card keeps getting denied at check out because of overdrawn limits.
Life has been tempting us to look at our lives and find the courage to reevaluate. But often times we hesitated in accepting those hints as signs of an upcoming upheaval because the unknowingness of change is more frightening that what we currently have. Sometimes we are so attached to the misery that we don’t see the possibilities for new beginnings. We don’t want to face the reality. We hope for a miracle. We hope that if we pretend we don’t see it, it will simply go away. But rarely it does and the inevitable happens.
If we don’t make the actions to change, life will just force the change onto us like getting hit unexpectedly by a passing freight train. We are left on the side of the road bruised, overwhelmed, frightened and shocked. Our lives are forever rudely, drastically and irrevocably changed. But this forced change is designed to test our metal, what were made of and reveal to us who we really are. Will we cast ourselves as victims scraping by the rest of our lives in sorrow and pain or will be choose to see it for what it is, a chance to recreate ourselves, to be re-born and re-cast into a better person. When we choose to see our change as a beautifully wrapped box that contains a hidden present we are less likely to carry the pain into our new tomorrows. This shift in our awareness shifts your destiny.