by: Susan Russo
“Every person has free choice. Your choice determines the consequences. Nobody ever did or ever will, escape the consequences of his choices. -Alfred A. Montepert
So often we make choices without considering the consequences. Let me rephrase that, so often our emotions make choices without considering the consequences. And, it is these emotionally based choices that can get us into trouble.
When I coach people the one thing I try and make people realize is that, “All of their choices come with consequences.” You can choose to stay in a broken, painful relationship but the consequence is more heartache and pain.
You can choose to continue to try and fix your partner to make them see what they are doing to destroy the relationship, but if you haven’t fixed them after all of your attempts, the consequence is more frustration, anger and resentment, and more time wasted when you could be moving on.
You can stay in a dead-end job and hate walking through that office door everyday and the consequence is living a life filled with misery waking up each morning dreading your day and looking forward to that for the rest of your working life.
And the list goes on and on.
When you make choices based on fear, anger, hurt, being in love, revenge, jealousy etc. these choices have a tendency to come back and bite you in the you know what. These kinds of choices actually complicate your life more and make matters worse.
Plus, they stop you from really enjoying your life the way you were meant to. Most times they cause more anger, fear, hurt etc. The one thing you are trying to get away from!
I once coached a guy who had 4 children and a wicked wife. She was the worst excuse for a wife and mother I have witnessed in a long time. She never woke up to get the kids ready for school. She didn’t cook, she didn’t work, (they needed the money) and she would go out and sometimes not come home.
He was a science teacher and football coach, a warm, educated and loyal guy. His choice was to stay and make his marriage work (16 years of this) because he didn’t want to fail.His determination to make it work, never worked! His choosing to continue to beat his head against the wall kept him stuck in a lifeless, loveless marriage, not to mention the affect this was having on their children.
I helped him to see that the consequence of his choosing to stay and fight this losing battle was going to be more years wasted, indelible and detrimental scars to his kids and a life filled with building resentment, anger, frustration and a life he and his kids certainly didn’t need to be subjected to.
Decide what you really want. If you are living the life you want then, great. If you are not, the choice to stay living with “the status quo” will only bring you more of what you don’t really want.
Learn to set boundaries of what you are or are not willing to put up with.
Viewing your relationships with honesty and facing the reality of your circumstances will help in determining if the choices you have made thus far (which have landed you exactly where you are standing today in all areas of your life) are what you truly want.
You can create a better life by making wiser choices as to which direction you want your life to move in. You can have what you want from life when you choose to let go of the emotions attached to situations and see them for what they really are.
There is no getting away from the choice-consequence factor in life and one you should be very cognizant of because when you make good, healthy, smart choices, your life will reflect it. Your level of happiness or unhappiness will be abundantly apparent by what you choose to live with.
So always look at the long term effect of your choices and when you see yourself down the road make sure your view is a future you are looking forward to!
By the way, after 16 long years of marriage, our friend divorced his wife, is living a much more peaceful, fulfilling life and wishes he had done it sooner. And, the wife rarely ever speaks to her children. Need I say more?